Tennis is a fluffy ball-chasing world in shock today after it was revealed that world No. 1 Roger Federer is now eating three meals of clay per day in the lead-up to the French Open.
The Swiss maestro took the unusual step of adopting a clay diet after proving unable to find his best form on the red dust of the European claycourt season. He is now at long odds to beat Spanish wunderkind Rafael Nadal at Roland Garros.
“Roger knows what he has to do to win in Paris,” a tennis insider told thebladder.com. “You’ve got to live, breathe and eat clay to win there if you’re not a natural baseliner, so that’s exactly what Roger is doing.”
A French specialty chef has been added to the Federer entourage and also spoke to thebladder.com in an outrageous French accent.
“I am making the red clay very, how do you say? Appetising. Roger eats it with a white wine sauce, or maybe washes it down with a cheeky Beaujolais. And that’s just breakfast. For lunch and dinner, we have several wines, and maybe throw some frogs legs into the clay, just because, you know, it’s so French.”
Friends of the world No. 1 are concerned about his radical new approach and say his social life is suffering as a result of his Roland Garros fixation.
“Let’s face it,” said a Swiss mate. “Would you want to go over and have to stuff your face with red dirt, just so your multi-millionaire, super-fit friend with the gorgeous girlfriend can enjoy yet more success? I say fuck him.”
Go Back
Tennis
Federer on radical diet in French lead-up
